


What we deserve

by Alexsathogwarts



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Flirting, Fluff, Slow Burn, Widojest - Freeform, kind of, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:41:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25874524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexsathogwarts/pseuds/Alexsathogwarts
Summary: Widojest coming together fic (or how Jester falls in love with Caleb and Caleb forgives himself enough to allow good into his life)
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 28
Kudos: 110





	1. You love her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yasha and Caleb talk about his feelings for Jester

The mood in the village of Vo after Vokodo was killed was a confused but joyful one with whatever spell the creature used on them breaking. When the Mighty Nein popped back through a tree passage, provided by Vilya, they were greeted by the sight of friends seeming to reunite after years apart.  
The joy was tinged by the sadness and anger of years lost with friends and family but the overall mood was happiness if the hugs and conversations were any indication. Caleb sat slightly apart from it all with a cup of whiskey from Veth’s recovered flask. As night proper descended on them, food was distributed and a few people brought out instruments. It wasn’t especially good but it seemed like something they all needed; an outlet for all their emotions. 

Jester sparkled among them, dancing arm in arm with Beau. She wouldn’t admit it but, Caleb thought, Jester needed the distraction right then. His heart throbbed painfully for her, wishing he knew how to help her with her Traveler problems. But he didn’t, so he just watched her dance with a wide smile on her face. 

And her joy, genuine or forced, was infectious. Caleb gave a soft smile into his cup, hoping the dark would hide his expression in case anyone was looking his way. Unsuccessfully, it seemed, since Yasha lowered herself down onto the log that he was sitting on and said very quietly, “you love her,” looking between him and Jester, “you don’t have to confirm it if you don’t wish to but … I am here if you want to talk to someone, someone who won’t … go on about it.” he thought he saw her eyes sweep over Veth briefly but then she was looking at him again with such sincerity that his resolve crumbled.  
“Yes,” he whispered, almost pained. 

“And you haven’t told her.” Another non question. When he didn’t answer for a while, she pushed on, “can I ask you why? You seem to have felt this way for quite a while…” she trailed off, looking away from him, and tried to convey that it was okay if he didn’t want to talk about this more. 

“I don’t-” the pained expression clouded his features again but he did continue in a tight, quiet voice, “I’m- I am not … a good man. She deserves better than me.”

Yasha slid her gaze back to him, confused, “why do you say that? In the time I’ve known you, you have-” 

He cut her off with a sad but insistent shake of his head. “I’ve done very bad things,” he whispered, half hoping she wouldn’t hear him. “Unforgivable things. My parents…I killed them.” In the flickering half light of the bonfires, he watched her expression carefully, ready to back down at the slightest flinch. But this is Yasha, no stranger to shock and death, and her face stayed smoothly attentive. So Caleb went on, briefly outlining the tragedy of his past. The only reaction the barbarian allowed was a slight furrow of her brows, concern flashing in her eyes. 

It was a while before she said anything though and Caleb began to worry he made a mistake. “Do you think I’m a bad person?” she asked carefully. 

“What- no, of course not.” 

“I did many horrible things while being controlled and manipulated, including killing a lot of people. I couldn’t break out of that control and I killed them all. How is that different from your situation?” All he managed as a response was a sputtering non answer. She settled a huge hand on his shoulder gently to stop him. “Should I stop trying to be better, happy, because of my past?” 

The wizard shook his head slowly, staring at her with almost pleading eyes, “no but … how can you stand it? The guilt? Every time I start to feel even a little hopeful their faces flash in my mind and I think ‘how can you dare be happy when they’re dead because of you?’” 

She just smiled at him with sad eyes, “you just have to bear it. I don’t think it will ever fully go away but the feeling lessens every time I do something good. Every time I do something I know Zuala would be proud of, it makes the burden easier to bear. I don’t think your parents would want you to be miserable forever, Caleb. They’d want you to live.” She squeezed his shoulder a little before letting it go. “And for what it’s worth, I still think you’re a good person. Maybe even more so.”

He swallowed hard, seeming to fight back tears for a moment, “thank you, Yasha.”

She glanced to Jester, still dancing joyfully, before continuing, “I also think that you’re the kind of man she could love. If you let her.” 

Caleb scoffed slightly at that, an eyebrow raised, “a sad, broken wizard with PTSD? What do I have to offer her?” 

She didn’t seem to catch on to the sarcastic edge to his words, answering them with an honesty he wasn’t expecting. “Comfort, companionship, love. Jester needs that. I think you would be as good for her as she would be for you.” At his incredulous look, she continued, “you always seem to know when she isn’t okay, even when the rest of us buy her cheery words and smiles. You’ve helped her with the Traveler situation, more so than any of us. And,” she smiled at him, almost mischievously, “you know she thinks you're handsome.” His blush made her smile wider. 

They were both quiet for a few minutes, just watching the dancers and musicians. “You’re doing good things, Caleb. You’re a good person and we all love you, I hope you know that.” She looked at him seriously, eyes wide with nearly intimidating concern, until he nodded sheepishly. She stood up, stretching her back. “I think I’m going to go to bed. Vokodo, man, am I right?” He murmured an assent, massaging one of his shoulders with a grimace. Yasha took a few steps away before turning back to him, “try to see in yourself what we all see in you, okay?” 

And then she went into the night, toward their temporary tree home, leaving Caleb to think over her words.


	2. How do you know you're in love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jester asks Veth about love

Most of the Mighty Nein collapse onto the stone floor of the cave they found after walking a few hours after a particularly hard battle against a Tarrasque terrorizing the Ashkeeper Peaks. They had planned on walking all the way back to Asarius, where they’d been staying at the behest of the Bright Queen, but it proved too much for the hardest hit members. Caduceus and Jester ran out of healing spells shortly after the battle bringing Caleb and Beau back from the brink of death. And the rest weren’t much better off than that.

When Caleb started falling further and further behind the group, his feet dragging in the scrubby brush of the wastes, Veth called for them to stop for the night. 

As soon as they stop moving, Fjord and Yasha drop their packs and lay close to each other in anticipation of Caleb casting his tiny hut spell, which he does wearily, arms shaking and feet dragging. As soon as it’s finished, blending into the stone around it, a thud can be heard as Caleb slumps to the ground next to his friends, a disgruntled meow just barely wafting on the breeze. Caleb probably laid on his tail. 

Beau, who looks like she’s also about to drop, turns to the rest of the party and mumbles, “a watch?” A purple and blue bruise is blooming on her cheek under a layer of sweat and grime and she’s swaying on her feet.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ll take first watch, I’m not too tired yet. Beau, you can go rest,” Jester smiles at her brightly until she nods and turns and disappears into the dome. Veth insists Caduceus do the same, citing a desire to speak to Yeza through Jester before sleeping. 

As pink hair vanishes out of sight, Veth turns to her tiefling friend, “if you’re okay with that?” 

Jester thinks for a second, nodding, “yeah, I’ve got one spell left. I saved it in case anyone else died on the way back but we’re resting now so it’s okay if I use it. What do you want me to say?” She sits on the ground just outside of the dome and waits for Veth. 

“Just let him know that we won’t be back tonight but we’re okay and that I love him,” she sits next to her friend, slightly angling away from her to see their surroundings better. 

Jester takes a moment to concentrate on the halfling chemist before jauntily chatting, “hey Yeza it’s Jester… We’re all okay but things got messy. We’re staying the night...but we’ll be back tomorrow…. Veth loves you very much.” She waits for a moment and hears a relieved voice inside her head say ‘oh thank the gods, thank you, Jester. Tell Veth I love her too. Be safe.’ Towards the end, the voice grows tender and sincere. 

She relays the message and intonation carefully, watching as Veth’s face settles into a contented smile, murmuring her thanks. As she watches this she feels a little wistful. 

After a long silence where Jester musters up her courage, since the last time she tried to talk to someone about love it didn’t go so well, she quietly asks, “hey, Veth… what’s it like? To be married?” 

“Oh, well, good.” she sounds surprised at the question but answers quickly, “yeah, yeah it’s good. He- well you always have someone to talk to and you never feel alone. Which can be annoying sometimes, I’ll admit, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. There’s someone there to take care of you when you’re sick and celebrate when something good happens. You just … well, you just feel loved.” 

Jester thinks this over for a while, trying to picture something similar for herself but not quite conjuring the whole scene in her mind. She doesn’t know what it’s like to really be in love with someone like that.

She decides to keep going with her line of questioning, “how do you know you’re in love?” 

Veth turns to her, smiling mischievously, “why, Jessie? Do you think you’re in loooove?” 

Even though she has no reason to be, she feels embarrassed, blood rushing to her cheeks as she shakes her head, “no no no. I’m really not. I’m just curious... How did you know you loved Yeza?” 

Veth’s eyes turn dreamy and distant, looking into her past, as she answers, “I knew I loved him, truly loved him, when I made a really terrible joke, just the worst joke I’ve ever told, which, you know, I’ve made some really bad ones. But this was the worst, I don’t even remember what it was, but I remember that he groaned and then laughed, a full out belly laugh, and it was the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard. My heart felt like it was going to burst, in a good way, and I knew I wanted to keep making him laugh like that for the rest of my life.” 

It’s such a sweet story Jester can’t help the smile that tugs at her, her hands clutching at her chest over her heart. “Oh Veth, that’s just the cutest thing I’ve ever heard.” She hopes she’ll feel like that one day. Veth just smiles and nods, a remnant of that dreamy look still in her eyes. “And that’s what love really feels like, like in real life, not like in my books?”

“Love, being in love, is great. You want to know more about it?” she waits for the tiefling to nod enthusiastically. “It’s being silly and knowing they’ll be just as silly back at you, a forever prank partner. You always have someone on your side, even if you’re fighting each other cuz you know it’s you and them against a problem, not you versus them. They’re there to help you be your best self and, on days when you aren’t your best, they’ll help you through that too.

It can be hard, some days you just want to run away or deck them.” She waggles her eyebrows, making Jester laugh, “but you love them and you choose to keep loving them and they love you and it feels … so, so good. Love is very personal so it’s different for everyone, but that’s how I feel. Yeza is like home to me, no matter where we are. I’ve heard all his stories multiple times but I still want to keep hearing them. He’s my person.” 

The longing in Jester’s chest is nearly painful. She wanted all of those things. Hearing Veth’s description and thinking back, she knew for sure that she never loved Fjord. It was just a little crush, probably because he was so nice to her, but he was just a good friend. 

“Thank you, Veth,” she pushes through her yearning to express her very real gratitude, ” I never asked my mama about any of this because talking about my dad always made her sad and he’s the only one she’s ever loved.” 

“I’m always here to help, Jessie,” she pats her hand gently, “especially with this kind of stuff. I never had any real friends growing up so I love this girl talk stuff now.” She looks at her slyly, “You’ll tell me if you do fall in love, right?” 

“Of course! You’ll be the first to know. Who knows, you might even know before me with how little experience I have,” she laughs, maybe a little too loudly for their proximity to sleeping people. 

Veth giggles back but then, more seriously, says, “no, you’re a smart girl, you’ll know. Just listen to your heart, you’ll hear it loud and clear one day.” 

Jester looked out into the night beyond their cave and hoped she was right.


	3. Smart to Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> back at the Zhorhaus after leaving Rumblecusp

All was quiet in the Xhorhaus except the shifting of paper when Caleb turned a page in the book he was reading. 2:28 in the morning, ‘I should get to sleep soon,’ he thought to himself before turning another page and returning to his research. A few minutes later, he heard the soft creak of weight moving over the floorboards outside the library and then a very small knock on the door. He doubted he’d notice it if it wasn’t for the silent state of the house. 

“Ja?” he called, voice croaking just a bit from disuse. He cleared his throat as the door opened and a blue head poked inside the room. 

“Caleb, you’re still awake?” Jester stepped fully into the library and shut the door behind her carefully, not waiting for his answer. “Is it okay if I sit in here with you?” 

He nodded, not asking why she was still awake even though he was curious. He just watched as she sat on the couch across from his work desk, pulling her sketchbook open across her lap. She poised a piece of charcoal over the paper and looked up at him. Immediately he bent his head back over his book and tried to concentrate on the words before him. A few pages made their way through his brain before he realized something was off. There was no scratch of charcoal across paper, no soft humming as she worked, no brushing of fingers over the pages to blend. 

He chanced a glance at her. She just sat there, hand resting limply on the book as she stared down at the blank page. 

“Jester,” he asked quietly, hoping not to startle her, “are you- is everything alright? You haven’t drawn anything since we got back from Rumblecusp.” He was always cautious of asking her her well-being. She tended to deflect with a wide smile and a ‘of course, I’m wonderful’ if anyone asked how she was feeling. He saw her start to do that, a smile trembling across her lips before it fell and she looked at him seriously. 

“Can I talk to you?” Not an answer to his question, he noted, but he nodded all the same. “It’s about,” she sighed heavily, holding up her sketchbook for a moment, “well, it’s about the Traveler.”

When she didn’t continue, he nodded again, “okay, I am listening.” 

“Well, it’s just like… I was thinking about what you guys said when we were eating the pancakes and bugs and stuff and like, maybe you all had a point. Cuz the stuff with Travelercon and the island made me think of other stuff with the Traveler.” She fell silent again, eyes boring into the empty white page, before she stood up suddenly and moved to the chair next to Caleb. 

She flipped to nearly the beginning of the book and stopped, angling the drawing so he could see it. It was Yasha, manacled, between heavy metal bars, a look of silent fury set on her face. With a start, Caleb realized it must be how Jester saw them torturing Yasha at Shadycreek Run. She turned to the next page and it was Molly’s coat marking his grave. “I begged him to revivify him. He didn’t even say anything. He wasn’t there when I needed him. He didn’t save me.” Jester turns her violet eyes to him, genuine hurt crossing her features. She skipped through pages, stopping briefly at a vacant looking Caleb blasting a fireball, Yasha turning her back on them to join Obann, and a collage of the dragonturtle, Vokodo, and the people of Vo. “All of these times I prayed for him to help and he ignored me. He sent me and his followers to that place, knowing it could wipe their- our memories.” Turning a few pages back, she pointed to a bowl of very melted ice cream. “He comes less and less when I call to him, sometimes not even giving a reason,” she shook her head before saying more vehemently,”an excuse.” 

After a few minutes of silence, in which Caleb deduced she wasn’t going to say anything else without being prompted, he said, “ja, none of those would be in his top ten moments.” 

She gave him the tiniest smile which faltered quickly. “So the Traveler was my first and best friend, you know, so it’s hard to like, think of him badly. Cuz he was there for me when I was little and he was always super cool. But then he did all these shitty things which can be kind of, technically, explained by him basically being a god. But if he’s a god… then he’s not my friend, right?” 

Her tear ladened eyes turned to him and he panicked when he realized she was looking for an actual answer. “Ah- I don’t- I’m not a religious man. I don’t know the particulars of friendships between gods and mortals.” 

“But like, historically, does it happen?” 

“Nein,” he shook his head, feeling sad, wishing he could tell her something different, “the gods use mortals and grant them powers but they’re not really friends.” 

She nodded, sad but resigned. “Yeah that’s what I thought. So if he’s a god and we’re not like friends anymore, then then … then what’s the point?” The tears that were pooled in her eyes started tracking down her cheeks. “I followed him because we were so close and he helped me so much. I followed him because we were friends and I wanted to do cool stuff for him. If we’re not friends, then I lost like, my whole main reason for following him.” She wiped furiously at her cheeks, removing evidence of her tears. “Okay so yeah, that would really suck but maybe I could get over it. Maybe. But then I started thinking about this from the other direction, you know.” He nodded when she paused, not really knowing where the conversation was headed but desperately wanting to help her in some way. “Like what if we were friends? Forget the god stuff, he’s just my friend. Then what?” 

Ah, he finally understood her line of thinking. He thought furiously for a moment, trying to find the best answer to help her. “Then you have a person in your life that did some bad things,” he settled on, drawing out the words slowly, thinking them over, “some to you and some pushed upon you to do.” 

“Right and- and that’s not fair! Friends don’t do that to each other. And if I’m being honest, I’m mad. I’m mad at him for, well like for a lot of things but, Travelercon specifically. How could he put all that pressure on me and send his followers to a place where they were probably going to forget everything and have their lives ruined? How could he put me in that situation?” The tears started to fall again and she didn’t do anything to stop them this time. Her voice dropped to a whisper and she looked around carefully, like she was expecting someone to be watching, (the Traveler perhaps, Caleb thought) as she continued, “he said he would have protected me but I’m not so sure. And he didn’t really say anything about protecting you guys, I just said that to make it look better.” 

And she looked so miserable that Caleb couldn’t help himself. He reached out a hand, awkwardly he thought, (‘why does my body move so stupidly?’) and set it on her shaking shoulder. She felt the warmth of it go through her nightgown and it settled her slightly. 

She took a big, shakey breath, shoulders slumped, and asked, “what do I do?” 

Panic again as Caleb thought quickly through a few answers, concentration impeded somewhat as her large eyes were staring right into his, just a few feet away. He swallowed hard and looked away, dropping his hand back to the table. That made it easier to think clearly. “I can’t tell you what to do. I think you need to decide what side of the relationship you want to fall on with him, friend or devotee, and then whether you can live with the choices he made that affected you based on that decision, ja?” He peeked at her again as she nodded dejectedly, looking just as miserable as before. 

“But, ah,” he forged ahead quickly, “I will say that whatever you decide, I- we’re here for you. You’re very smart, Jester, and, what’s more, you have a big heart. There’s great kindness in you and that’s not a bad thing, just maybe be careful with how much of that kindness you dole out. I don’t want to see you hurt again by him.” 

“So you wouldn’t think I was stupid if I stayed cleric to him?” she asked very quietly, so quietly he wondered if she wanted him to hear it or not. 

He shook his head, “nein. I don’t pretend to know your whole history with the Traveler so I cannot say what is the right thing to do. There’s a lot to consider. I know he was your first friend and you care for him. He helped shape who you are today. That’s not something you can easily extricate yourself from.” Taking a shuddering breath, he went on, “I know firsthand how much our pasts shape us and how hard it is to see the future without any of that influence. But you’re so strong, Blueberry, with or without the Traveler. I hope you can see that. You don’t need him to continue doing good in the world.” 

She sniffled, giving a little hiccuping laugh, “thank you, Caleb. I think I do see it, it’s just hard, you know. And like,” she looked down at the sketchbook on the table left on a page of her banishing Vokodo, purple flooding her cheeks, “it’s a selfish thing, but like, what happens to my magic if I’m not his cleric anymore? Do I lose everything? That would totally suck.” 

“You’re pretty powerful even without powers,” he did a very bad imitation of her voice that made her laugh before slipping back to his regular voice, “but if that is something you’re worried about, there are options. You could find a different god to worship or maybe become a warlock. Or if those don’t sound appealing,” red flushed up the back of his neck and into his cheeks, “I could teach you arcane magic. Maybe not quite your thing, but I would be happy to do it so you’d feel more like yourself.” 

“Oh Caleb,” she threw her arms around him in a gentle hug, angling her horn away from his face as she pushed into his space, “thank you. That’s very sweet.” She held onto him for a long time, his face red as a tomato, until he reached up to pat her back in what he hoped was a soothing way. 

“Anything for you, Jester,” it was easier to say something like that, something that hinted at his feelings, when he knew she couldn’t see his face. 

He felt her sigh as she squeezed him just a little harder after that and then she was pulling away, giving him a soft, real smile. “You’re a really good friend, Caleb, thank you for listening to me. I have a lot of thinking to do but I don’t feel quite so confused about it now. I think I’m going to try to go back to sleep now.” 

She stood up, resting a hand on his shoulder for a moment before moving on towards the door. “Goodnight, Caleb.” 

“Träum süss, Blueberry.” And then she left, quietly pulling the door closed behind her. 

When he got into bed later that night he replayed their conversation. She knew he’d be the only one in the library at that time of night. And if she wasn’t going down there to draw… did she specifically seek him out to talk? It felt spur of the moment at the time but maybe, he thought, maybe she wanted to talk to him specifically. He thought, he thought, he thought. Scheiße, he needed to think less. He punched his pillow and let Frumpkin settle on his chest, eventually falling asleep. 

When he woke up the next morning, well afternoon if he was being honest, there was a piece of paper on top of the book he’d been reading last night. It was a charcoal sketch of him and Jester hugging like the night before but she’d drawn little stink lines coming off of him and she was holding her nose behind his back. He smiled even before he saw her script at the bottom. ‘Thank you again, Caleb, you really helped me sort out my thoughts. P.S. I don’t really think you’re smelly. J’ 

He brought the drawing into his bedroom and set it on his nightstand right away, his heart squeezing in a familiar, not altogether painful way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is gonna kind of go back and forth in time a bit, i guess. I hadn't planned on it originally but it's kind of working for me


	4. On the Way to Eiselcross

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A treat on the way to Eiselcross

Jester wished that time would go faster. The Eiselcross wind had started to chill even her bones as she sat outside Vess' tent for her watch. The Nein seemed inclined to let her take every dead of night watch, claiming she was resistant to the cold. Jester pretended she didn't mind but as she folded her icy fingers into fists inside her mittens, she wished she was either inside the magically heated tent or that Caleb didn't need all his spell slots for things besides the tower. 

At least Vess brought a magic tent for them with cots so they didn't need to sleep crammed into the dome on the floor. 

She stretched her back, shivering slightly, when she saw movement to her left. A slight flash of brown and red among the snow covered pine trees to the west of their tent. Jester got to her feet quietly and stalked towards the copse of trees, keeping her eyes open for any sign of danger. 

Between her dark vision and the fact that everything around her was white or earthy brown, it was easy to keep the thing in her peripheral as she darted from tree to tree. 

Stopping behind a large rock, she readied a guiding bolt as she prepared to jump- 

A soft sob reached her ears. She dropped the spell, unused, and stepped carefully around the rock to see Caleb kneeling in the snow, hands over his face. "Caleb? " 

The cry cut off into a startled sniffle as she moved into the small clearing in front of him. Caleb hastily wiped at his face, turning his gaze away from her. "Jester," he choked out, "I didn't mean to … alert you. I'm sorry. "

"Are you okay? " she stepped toward him, ignoring his attempt to brush her off. "It's got to be after 2 in the morning."

"2:37" he mumbled, seeming unable to stop himself. "Ja… I am...not hurt.," he finished absently. 

She reached out a mittened hand and carefully touched his shoulder as she kneeled down in front of him. He finally met her gaze, saw her eyes huge with concern, and sighed. "Today would have been my mother's birthday. I … just had a dream about her, a memory really, from when I was just a little older than Luc." He swallowed hard, a tear sliding down his cheek. "That doesn't happen for me too often. It made me- ahh …I just didn't want to wake anyone." He sniffed again, wiping wet tracks from his cheek.

Without thinking, she threw her arms around his shoulders, crushing him in a fur and wool filled hug. After a moment, his arms went hesitantly, awkwardly around her too. 

"Danke," he whispered to her very quietly, his warm breath on her cheek. She pulled away soon after, cheeks feeling a little flushed. 

"What was your dream about?" Jester asked, so she didn't need to think about what that all meant. 

He smiled, only a little sadly, and answered, "I was helping her bake bread. Which, at that age, really meant making a mess with the ingredients while she made bread." She laughed, imagining a tiny Caleb covered in flour while an exasperated woman looked on with a reluctant smile. . 

"Not a cake for her birthday? " she joked, trying to erase all of the sadness from his eyes. 

"We didn't have a lot of money but birthdays were special in my home. We got to pick a treat from the bakery in town." His smile dropped completely. "Every year since I … since I've been in my right mind again, I would get something special for their birthdays. This is the first one I'll miss." 

"I'm so sorry, Caleb." She hated the sorrow in his eyes so she grabbed his bare hand between her mittened ones, squeezing gently. "What was her favorite?"

"Franzbrötchen.”

"France... what?" 

That made him laugh. "Franzbrötchen. They are sweet pastries made with butter and cinnamon. You would probably like them a great deal.”

She smiled half heartedly at him, “they sound wonderful. We should get some when we go back to the Empire.

He nodded, looking at their hands which were resting on Jester’s knee. Then he started, pulling away from her and standing up. “Your stockings will be soaked. I’m sorry.” As he reached for her hand to pull her up, she realized that yes indeed the knees of her leggings were soaked and the skin underneath was freezing but she waved his concern off as she rose saying it was worth it. A blush spread over his cheeks at that as they meandered through the trees back to camp. “Ah yes.. Well… the tent? Um I can finish the watch for you if you would like to change clothes or rest.”

“Oh no no no, it’s alright, Caleb, you sleep. I’m not tired yet.” It was a little bit of a lie but she didn’t want him to be cold and tired on top of being sad. “Maybe you’ll have another dream memory of your mama.” 

Releasing a small sigh, he nodded. “We’ll see. Good night, Jester, and … well sorry again for your stockings.” 

She shushed him, assured him it was fine, and pushed him into the tent before settling down with a blanket over her lap. 

The next hour of her watch was filled with nothing but snow around her and sinking sadness inside her. She wished she hadn’t dumped all of her pastries into the water for those sea creatures now. But it had been better than fighting them for sure. She huffed a sigh, watching her breath turn to white smoke in the air, “oh, Traveler, what can I do for- TRAVELER!” Of course! Why hadn’t she thought of him right away. Artagan would help her. She closed her eyes and concentrated, asking for a small miracle, some pastries (franzbrötchen, she thought the pronunciation very carefully) for Caleb. Caleb who helped her so much and was such a good friend. 

‘Zemnian pastries?’ she heard in her mind, ‘well that I can do. Give me a little time to track them down.” 

She waited eagerly for the rest of her watch and, when Yasha relieved her, she had trouble falling asleep. She kept looking over at the pile of blankets across from her that was only distinguishable as Caleb by the couple locks of fiery hair flopped over the pillow. Eventually she must have dozed off because a hand shook her shoulder and she unwillingly switched back to consciousness. 

Beau moved away from her, slinging a bag over her shoulders, as she, to Jester’s ears anyway, practically shouted, “Vess is waiting on you two to collapse the tent. Hurry up.” 

Groaning, Jester swung her feet off the cot and rubbed her hands across her face. She felt another tap on her shoulder, though Beau had gone, so she opened her eyes and turned. No one was there. Her gaze dropped to the cot and she saw a plate with two still steaming, donut looking pastries on it. Grogginess forgotten, she squealed happily and looked around the tent. 

“Caleb!” she exclaimed happily as she laid eyes on him as he slid a book into a holster at his side.

He slid his gaze to her, another blush staining his cheeks. “Ja?” 

She hopped up, holding the plate carefully and presented it to him proudly. “Franzbrötchen,” she was pretty sure she got it right.   
He blinked at her a few times before his eyes dropped to the plate then back to her. “What- how? Where did you get them?” he asked in total disbelief, half reaching for one before pulling back. 

“I asked the Traveler!” 

He continued to stare at her and swallowed hard. “You used divine intervention for me?”

“Well yeah. I’m glad it finally worked, these look amazing.” She pushed it a little more into his personal space, encouraging him to take it with a nod of her head and a huge smile. 

“But you- that’s never worked before and you wasted the one success on me?” 

She saw something that looked like disgust in his eyes and vehemently shook her head, “I didn’t waste it. This is important.” Again she pushed the plate at him, her eyes wide with sincerity, until he held the pastries in his hand.

He looked down at them and then at her incredulously, affectionately. “I - I can’t thank you enough,” he swallowed convulsively again, his eyes looking a little shiny. 

“You don’t have to thank me. I wanted to do it.” 

Picking one up, he looked at the other one and then back to her, “will you have the other one with me? They should be shared after all.” 

Delighted and somewhat honored, she picked it up, “of course! Thank you.” Caleb was right, she did quite enjoy it. It reminded her just a little of the bear claws from Nicodranas. “Caleb. This. Is. Amazing.” she said very seriously. 

He chuckled and nodded, pulling another bite off of his. “They taste just like the ones from when I was a child. It has to be from the same bakery. Please tell Artagan I appreciate his thoroughness.” And then he smiled sweetly at her. “And thank you, for your thoughtfulness.” 

Her heart swelled with happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow sorry I've been MIA. mental illness sucks. anyway thanks for reading.


End file.
